My experiment was wildly a success you could say…I most definitely relaxed & let go of any kind of care over my eating habits and that alone brought me more joy this fall. To recap: from October-December all of the season of Fall…I let go of caring. I said “Hello to Winter weight & goodbye to caring” (see my last blog post if you’d like to know more).
As the days grew darker, shorter, and colder. I grew paler, pudgier, & more tired. It all felt really natural to live along with seasons. I felt as if this is what my body was meant to do this time of year, why fight it?
So I didn’t fight it, for the first time I embraced it.
I didn’t fight anything.
I was tired of fighting, caring & trying. It’s been a tough year, politically depressing between this administration, the hurricanes, the injustice done to Puerto Rico, I just felt I had nothing left in me to be disgusted or flabbergasted by one more thing.
I was experiencing ‘resistance fatigue’. The calling, the writing, the debating, the disrespect, the finally coming to grips with some ugly truths about the mentality of some of my fellow citizens, I was down…my nerves were shot from waking up to never ending alerts on my phone about some new f’ed up thing going on, my lymph nodes were shot, the stress of caring was taking it’s toll & I wasn’t going to give up but couldn’t go on feeling scared & horrified non-stop. It felt so toxic. So I took action to do some radical self love & self care in a world that I felt could care less about me, as a woman, as a person of color, as a latinx, as a mom. So there you go…I gotta tell ya I got more out of it than I bargained for.
I felt happier.
I felt freer than ever before.
I felt like I grew up a little.
I was shocked to find out that when left to my own devices my food choices are…not so great, even when eating mindfully.
I still worked out, but I felt so tired, winded more easily, and sluggish all day.
I most definitely gained weight, my clothes were tight, the stewardess at the airport asked if I was pregnant….RUDE!! My pot belly was poppin’ …(in the words of my daughter). For the first time ever it made me laugh instead of cringe. I felt amazing about something again! A little piece of my sanity returned. I felt like my brain was breathing fresh air.
The moment of reckoning came the morning of the solstice…the darkest day of the year, the first day of winter, the time to own my shit, end the season of not caring & basque in the glory of what winter season may bring…the slow return of the sunlight.
I weighed myself for the first time since October, and see that I had gained 11 freakin’ pounds! 11 pounds in 3 months.
I weighed 147 & I’m 5’2.
I read somewhere that the average winter weight gain is reportedly 2-3lbs.
2-3lbs!!! Who are these people?!
So what does it mean????
I finally feel nothing.
I have cut the cord that has kept me tethered to meaning of the number on the scale. I have rose above it, and know I honestly don’t care as much as I used to. There are so many other things I choose to care about more. I’m not saying I don’t care for me to eat better & feel more energy & get more fit. I’m just saying I’m ok. I love that I took time to not care because it freed up time & space within for me to care about things that matter more. Like playing with my daughter, enjoying my family pampering me by cooking all the Puerto Rican traditional foods I love, & lounging around the house with my husband a little longer than usual.
So now I’m back to caring about eating healthy, so what am I eating now?
Veggies my friends, TONS of veggies. Lean proteins, water, tea, and food grown with lots of love. So that I may grow in love in 2018 not grow my waistline 😋. It’s been 3 weeks and I have lost 4 of those pounds already.
So, I’m in my cocoon, back on the bandwagon & feeling refreshed. I even loved my ‘season of not caring’ so much I declare winter the season of not caring about another thing I’m over caring about… my unruly, wild, puffy hair.
Bring on the hats & scarves & more happiness this winter. I’m still fighting & caring about this crazy world. I will never stop & I got alllll my hats so let’s do this.