Every woman around me is basically kicking ass right now. They are giving round house kicks to the ol’ glass ceiling. It’s a cool time in history to witness this, but a strange time for me personally because I’m choosing to ‘rest’.
Every night I read my daughter a page from “Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls” every page is a story of a different woman or girl from world history that is some sort of serious badass. Activists, Scientists, Journalists, Political leaders, Artists, Supreme Court Justices, Astronauts, Warriors, etc. The stories are insanely inspiring.
They are gorgeous portrayals of women & girls of every race & ethnicity overcoming extraordinary obstacles to be who they truly want to be.
Sol asks me sometimes “mom, will I be a rebel girl someday?” I answer, “sure, if you choose to be.”
The real power is in the choice.
It got me thinking…am I choosing to not be a rebel girl?
Do rebel girls ever rest?
Is rest a luxury for only the privileged?
Does it make me less awesome if I chill?
I definitely wasn’t deemed worthy to be a rebel girl. I don’t have obstacles in front of me as large as any of the women in the book did. Should I be saving the world right now instead of planning this vacation? These thoughts often overwhelmed me.
I started feeling very small, and guilty, and uninfluential, and boring in my little comfortable bubble that I call my life.
You see, I chose this path. I wasn’t forced to be on it. I recognize my privilege to live this way. I maintain & practice gratitude for this simple way I choose to live. I fulfilled a deep fantasy to say “f*ck it” to high stress job where I felt emotionally burnt out & traded it in for yoga class, leisurely pursuing the aisles of the grocery store, parenting, curiosity, playfulness, exploration, appreciation & rest.
Did that make ME a rebel girl amidst all the hustlers & badass women surrounding me? Was I not the almighty powerful woman who gets shit done if I took a break? Am I a feminist nightmare, or am I a feminist dream?
I have no real answer, and it probably depends on the day.
It took me time to get here. I have the perspective of over 15 years of being broke, hustling, unable to make rent, maintaining 3 jobs while obtaining 2 degrees. Established my career, then got married.
My husband & I began simplifying our lives, thinking outside of the box, once my daughter came along. We started coming up with some creative solutions so that all of our basic needs are met & it’s financially feasible to even splurge on some luxuries here & there without having to return to full time machine mode because I wanted more.
I wanted different choices than the women before me.
I wanted to be able to basque in a sunrise if I felt called to, or get lost in a book. I wanted the power of freedom.
I wanted it more than anything.
Now I guess I’m in ‘chill mode’ how long will I be here, I don’t know.
I must admit to feeling a little left out of this badassery going on around me in the workplace & mom-preneur lives of my besties. I sometimes feel as if I don’t belong anywhere…I’m not technically a “badass” in any of the traditional sense. However, I take my self care and quality of life very seriously so I’m a ‘simple self care’ badass of sorts…I guess.
It feels like an act of rebellion in a world that praises & applauds work, accolades, huge homes, cars, & material possessions, to just simplify, take a much needed break, breathe & enjoy each day.
I definitely was not raised to know how to chill.
It was all:
“you will go to college!”
“you will be able to support yourself!”
“you will never depend on a man!”
“you will always work hard!”
“you can do & be anything you want to be!” from both of my parents.
Never talk of such tomfoolery as rest, or chilling, or sunrises, or creating your day.
It was “get your ass to work, work, work!”. If you didn’t work what the hell were you doing with your life? What were you good for? And how will you ever buy a house?
Nobody ever rested.
I never even knew there was such a thing as a stay at home mom, I honestly thought that was only on TV.
Every woman & mom I ever knew worked…& worked HARD. They worked 2-3 jobs, long hours, sometimes weekends & nights.
But now, I rebel because I rest. I take care of my family. I chill.
It’s awkward at times but also so, so lovely.
Don’t sleep on me, I may join the ranks again…but I may just chill here with a kombucha & a tan, growing veggies in my garden & clap for you ladies getting shit done, changing the world, advocating on behalf of those with less of a voice, and also the stay at home moms in their invisible struggles.
I’m here for it…all of it.
Keep doing you ladies.
I see you.
I’m cheering you on.
Just know that when you need a break & finally get a chance to take one you don’t disappear…
I did it & I’m here still.